About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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