His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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