Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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