I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
