you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
