one might say we're banned from that church
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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