I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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