Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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