I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
50% drunk capacity currently
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
