also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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