I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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