Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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