Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
