I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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