i think my tv is drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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