i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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