My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
