I CAN MOONWALK!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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