I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
