my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
