i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
