where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
