Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
