i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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