Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize