next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
