what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
