just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize