actually, I'm a sock model
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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