Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
