i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You're like the curious george of whores
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
