I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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