I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Screwed.edu
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
