Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
