so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
