What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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