Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
