dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
