Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We need to get me chipped asap
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
