I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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