what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
