Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
