Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
