You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
