i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
