I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
