I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
