is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
