I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
