how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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