i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
