We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You made out with two different species that night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
