she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
