nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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