Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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