Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
