I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
