You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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