My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
