This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
