I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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