Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
