she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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