wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You made out with two different species that night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
