her vagine was all disorganized.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
