I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
