OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
