This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
