the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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