Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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