Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
