My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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