Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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