Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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