Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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