He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
