It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
