is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize