Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
