i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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