conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
