i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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