i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
