Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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