I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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