in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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