My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
