how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
