Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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