Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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