why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
