people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
