i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
