Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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