Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
