I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
